Lately, I feel a bit unhappy. Feel ignorance, neglected, abandoned and helpless. I don’t like to have this feeling. Maybe, this is what people called post natal depression.
The most stressful thing that makes me so upset is when it comes to breastfeeding. From the 1st day when I found out that I was pregnant, I already set in my mind that I will fully breastfeed my baby.
I admit that 2-3 days after I delivered her, my breast haven’t produced any milk yet. I have no choice but to give her a formula. I do feel sad at that time. Only after the mak bidan came and massage me then only I have the milk to give to her. And from day to day, after suffering sore nipples (due to keep pushing my baby to suck the milk from my breast), my breast producing more and more milk which I feel enough for my baby (mom’s instinct).
Though I have to suffer from sore nipples, I keep pushing my baby to learn how to suck milk from my breast, and the balance, I will pump out and store in fridge so that she will have enough milk stock while she sleep with her grandma and grandpa at night (this also to avoid them to give her formula)
But, what makes me still upset is when this grandma and grandpa keep saying that my baby doesn’t feel satisfied when I breastfeed her directly. She only feel satisfy when she get the milk from her bottle. I feel so tense up. How my breast could produce more milk if my baby doesn’t suck it?! The breast pump is only meant for pumping extra milk that she didn’t suck, not for fully breast pumping and give the milk through bottle. Couldn’t they understand that?
I seriously feel helpless with this situation. I feel so sad and don’t know what to do to make them understand. And to not showing them my unhappy faces, I keep staying in my room and don’t feel like eating or breastfeeding my baby anymore. I seriously tense up to the max today.
Ya Allah! Please give me strength to go through this situation ya Allah! I really need your help. No one can help me except YOU, the Almighty! Please help me ya Allah! Pleaseeee….